I would be the first to say yes. But the truth is can we really be that open about sex?
Even with friends and family we struggle. In my own experience it’s only my friends who are not Christian’s that really open up about sex. It is like we never get over the “sex before marriage is a sin hush hush” even after we marry.
During marriage counselling I was given a book – The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim F. LaHaye and Beverly LaHaye and this was supposed to get me sorted. But what if I read the book followed the instructions and things don’t work out as planned? I am not supposed to watch porn or erotica as a Christian soooo…….. What next. I was told sex is an instinct when you get there you would know what to do. Really that simple? Then why are so many people getting it wrong.
Sex is a big deal, even amongst matured people. The truth is that not very one is comfortable talking about it and if you are not comfortable talking about it there is no way you can give advice on it because sex is private, very private and very individual so what might work for you, might not tick my box. Unfortunately, there is no one size fits all approach so just giving a broad talk about the subject might not solve the problem for everyone.
Also a basic Q &A session at a marriage seminar might not also do the trick as people are really too shy to go down and dirty in public. Besides the unmarried also have a right to know about sex.
(I have a friend who ended a relationship because her boyfriend confessed to having had sexual thoughts about her and she felt that in itself was dirty and showed he had no regard for her and wasn’t really born again. Talk about misinformed).
A highly spiritual marriage counsellor might not be the best person to talk about sex because being spiritual and knowing about sex might not in itself correlate. Now I am not saying that spiritual people are not sexual. I am just saying that being spiritual is not all you need to be a good marriage counsellor. I have seen many a friend express disappointments at the sexual counselling they received during the preparation for marriage. I have even seen some go ahead to become scared of sex in marriage seeing it as something to be endured “cause you have to give it to him when even he wants it, so your man would not stray”. To that I say I am not a robot.
Some people might not fully understand this post. But I come from an environment where religion is so often mixed with culture that the lines have become blurred. All I hear is how to please your man etc etc. .
- Sex in marriage is often portrayed as a duty you have to perform whether you want to or not to ward of infidelity.
- Oral sex is portrayed as dirty.
The truth is that
- Women enjoy sex too. It’s not only about the man.
- Some men really need to learn how to do it. Just sticking it in doesn’t mean you are doing it right.
- Some women have a higher sexual drive than their partners
- Many women do not enjoy sex. Not because of their inability to but because their man isn’t just doing it right. (I am not talking about women who have a sexual disorder)
Marriage is a union between two people. It is not about one person or the other it’s about the two of you. Sex should be about the two of you coming together to do what you are both comfortable with. What you do and how far down and dirty you are prepared to go (within the guidance of the bible) is entirely up to you. Whether it be missionary or hanging of a pole.
A friend of mine once suggested that all the young married couples should get together and have a frank thought about sex in marriage. I would be glad to oblige but even between the two of us we struggled to find 5 other couples that would be willing to open up.
What is your opinion?