Fifty Shades of Kinky

Fifty Shades of Grey

This Month Fifty Shades of Grey became the fastest-selling paperback since records began. Photograph: Rob Kim/Getty Images

Yes I jumped on the fifty shades band wagon.  In my defence everybody was reading it, even people at work. Someone even brought the trilogy to me at home. (Thanks ;-)). So here I am. What do I think of it? Hum?!

What can I say; I started reading Mills and Boons at the age of 9 (Don’t judge me I had elder sisters who taught under the bed was a good hiding place).  By the time I was 14, I was totally bored of the whole romance novel bullshit. It always starts with a girl meeting a guy who is totally wrong for her or vice-versa. Yet they can’t resist the urge to take a tumble in the hay, there is always talk of the heat, the pull, sexual electricity etc. One of them usually has an emotional problem (excess baggage from a previous relationship, growing up, mummy issues, daddy issue etc.) which has rendered them emotionally unavailable/retarded. They however proceed to have sex thinking it would get them out of each other’s system. At the end of the day one of the parties usually wants more and they decide to cool it off as the other party isn’t prepared to give it more. Queue the gut wrenching quarrel at the end and you have people not eating for days, crying for hours, men getting jealous and wanting to fist people. Finally something happens which helps one party understand why the other is emotionally unavailable (story of the excess baggage is revelled). Then there is a lot of talking/crying as people realise they are in love and decide to make a go of it. One day at a time.

And they live happy ever after. There I have just saved you 5 years of reading.

You see the thing about Fifty Shades is that I have read it all before. Minus the “Kinky Fuckery” (I quote a certain Mr Grey). As for the sex scene they are not even that raunchy and the fact that I have to wait until page 245 for anything to happen doesn’t make me a happy camper.  The end is the most annoying part of this book it just stops at the big quarrel, just so that the book can have a second part. And in the second part they make up after 5 days. What a break up. Yawn

Another annoying part is; it reinforces the thought that you can a change a man/make him love you the way you want to be loved if only you just bend a little backwards. Seriously the girl has some serious low self-esteem issues.  I see this all the time: girls over analysing a man’s moves and motives just because they don’t want to admit the truth. The guy is SHIT end of. He doesn’t call you “shit”. He didn’t forget his phone or doesn’t have network.  He is insensitive, treats you badly “it’s because he doesn’t care”. Men are by nature hunters they have the need to gather and own. If he wants you believe me he would do what it takes to get you. Simples.

Don’t become a dumping ground for anyone’s excess baggage. With the 21st century everyone has become some sort of amateur physiologist (I realise the irony of this statement seeing that I am dishing out unwanted advice via book review) and we just love to give excuses for bad behaviour. It is even now accepted in the court of law. The fact you were abused doesn’t give you a licence to abuse someone else.

Anyways, I am off to see if it does get better in part II.

Fifty Shades of Grey is written by EL James

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6 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Kinky

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  2. really is that what the book is all about?. ok. i see a lot of people reading it as well both on the trains and even at work. a friend was going to give me hers to read. so that is all?. lol

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