Rebound – How Long Should you Wait?

I have been avoiding talking about this for a while now because I am not an expert to pass judgement. However I would really like to get people’s opinions on how long we need to get over a serious relationship?

Engaged

I am now at a stage in my life where all my friends are either getting married, having children or about to get married and I guess some people might be under pressure to settle down and nest.  However when I see people who go from one serious relationship (a relationship were marriage has been discussed, sometimes couple are engaged and planning a wedding is already underway before the breakup) to another serious relationship (were they are planning marriage again) it makes me wonder if they were really in love

broken engagement

According to Divorce Support.com “a rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship”. It is an experience we use to mask the pain of a broken relationship.  It stops us from having to deal with the pain and turns our attention to something else.  In other words it is just a distraction. It stops you from dealing with the real issue at hand. I just wonder if you loved someone, really loved them to the point of being able to spend the rest of your life with them, how long it would take you to get over them 3 months, 2 days, a second?

How long did it take you to fall in love in the first place? Maybe I am a cynic who does believe in love at first sight or even second sight for that matter. In my humble opinion it takes time to build a relationship.Give yourself time to breathe or not?  Natalie Lue the author of baggage reclaim writes “Unfortunately, we need time to process and heal to be truly available and when we don’t, we use other people as emotional airbags”. It is estimated that within the first 6 months to a year 90% of rebound relationships fail.  The reason being, you are not in it for love you are in it to fill a void. Imagine if you marry your rebound and 6 months down the line you discover they are not the one for you.

I always tell people you can either marry your friend or you can get a  husband.  You either marry someone with whom you would share your life  or marry someone who you would have a life with.
Hi guys sorry for my long absence, hope you missed me 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Rebound – How Long Should you Wait?

  1. when you say ‘serious relationship’, i wonder what you mean. A relationship where both partners have decided that they are at a point where they need to stop fooling around and have made up their minds to commit to a relationship with the view of marriage in the near future? or a relationship where both partners are truly in love with each other and have started making the necessary plans to spend their lives together?

    when a person is or was actually in love with their partner, can there ever be enough time to get over the person? can a relationship that was built on true love ever be over?

    some people will say that it depends on the circumstances surrounding the break-up of the said couple, but i believe that no matter the situation or how much hurt the parties may feel at the time the decision was made to break-up, a part of you never gets over a person you love.

    ok. i am sure that everyone now knows that i am a hopeless romantic. but in my own experience, no matter how long you stay away from a person that you love or loved it only takes a second to revive it all. if you stay away long enough to build another life for yourself (probably with a sweet spouse and beautiful children under your belt), that will help to keep your feet firmly on the ground.

    I’m not saying that people who have ever been in love cannot have successful relationships after their break-ups. i just believe that no matter how much tme they take to get into another relationship, the baggage of the previous is never actually left behind.

  2. I have been in a situation where I built a relationship and I felt it was my final stop no more dudes. Guess what. Not fat chance. Rebound did not work. So I have given up on rebound. Now in my opinion if it is true unadulterated love you never get over it until you encounter another that can match that unadulterated love or relationship.

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  5. a friend from university was dating a girl for 3 years and she broke up with him to date another guy. a girl from the university started dating him 2 months after his break up. They dated for 3 years and got married and stay married. I met my first serious gf at university too. We met at mutual friends party . We clicked and soon started dating. She told me that her last ltr ended 2 years ago. There was no signs she was on the rebound. Things went well and we soon became an item. I felt we were genuinely compatible and had many things in common. Lets call her D. D was pretty and fun loving and I soon fell deeply in love. One year into the relationship , out of the blue, D told me she ended a ltr of 3 years and met me 6 weeks later. She did not say she wanted to date other guys . She just put it out there. I asked why tell me now one year into a stable relationship .she just said she felt I should know!!! I felt betrayed and angry and tried to get to open up and tell me. I stopped after trying a few times as I knew she would just withdraw. I just continued to spend time as normal act normal . I was not cold or nasty. But things felt different. D broke up with me 3 weeks later saying I was not supportive. I wanted so much to ask her how was I not supportive? I wanted to ask her if there was another guy? But I thought why bother? I would not know whether to believe it or not? After all she lied about last ltr. I said ok and walked off. I was hurting very badly. I did not contact D or keep tabs on her. I just studied and went to the gym and hung out with my guy friends. I was severely depressed for 2 months before I felt better. Mutual friends then told me D said she was sorry she broke up and was not dating. After much thought , I wrote D a note : trust once broken is hard to regain but impossible. An obvious hint I was ready to hear her out and try to work things out. No response. So I moved on. It took 8 months to grieve and recover fully. Then I met J and started dating. J was pretty ( just slightly less pretty compared to D) and we too had many things in common. D then began texting me . I read the first few which were really stupid ” had dinner with friend at your fav pasta place.. How are u” ” saw movie GDY last night on tv remembered how u laughed ” then deleted the later ones and did not reply. D then called my home and asked to meet to “talk”. I said NO there is nothing to talk about. She said she was sorry about lying and breaking up and she was working thru issues. I said your issues are no excuses and you refused to open up to me and just left. She said she deserved a 2nd chance for the good year we had. I said I did give you a chance . Remember the note? Pretty big hint I was willing to try to salvage our love. Surely you do not expect me to make the first move?? She kept quiet and I hung up. D then began to spread rumours but J and I were not affected. J and I got married about 2 years later and we are still happily married . A few weeks after the conversation with D, I found out thru some guy friends that D was dating soon after she broke up with me. They knew but decided not to tell me as they knew it would only upset me.

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