Christmas was tainted by the loss of someone very dear to me. I wanted to write a Christmas wish list post but after that happened it just seemed to trivial. I have never lost someone so young and when it happened I was so angry. Angry that the world just went on like nothing had happened. The bus was on time, the sun (or whatever passes for it in England) was shinning and everyone just went about their day as usual. I just wanted to scream “can’t you see something really bad has happened” the clouds should be black, rain should be falling, everything should just STOP.
I guess that only happens in the movies.
Evaluating what Christmas meant to me brought back so many memories. I wonder about Christmas traditions and making some for my LO. When I was little at Christmas my dad would buy chickens and turkeys (live), set them free in the compound and literally in the Go, Kill and Eat fashion we were allowed to eat any we could catch. I know this may seem shocking to some people but where I am from meat is seen as the icing of the cake on any meal so this was sheer bliss (the eating part not the killing bit). Besides I grew up on a farm. I know where my meat comes from definitely not Tesco :-).
The only wish that finally made its was to my list was this:
1) Dear son, I hope you remember your childhood. I hope you remember that you were a happy baby. You were brought up in an atmosphere full of love. You laughed all the time and many people laughed with you. Mummy and Daddy kissed you almost 100 times day cause you were the most important gift they had.
2) Wish you where still here with us.
And to my lovely sister-in-law and friend. The day you were laid to rest (even though DH refused to tell me you where being buried that day cause I had been crying my eyes out) I dreamt I saw you, I hugged, kissed and told you that I loved you one last time when I woke up there was tears in my eyes but I felt at peace.I had said my goodbye. Lights out Nma until He returns.
(sorry for the late post about Christmas. I wrote it a long time ago but couldn’t post it at the time cause not everyone in the family had been informed).