At the beginning of the week, I said in my new year post that I was going to do a series about marriage. I am doing this because soo many special people in my life are getting married and I have decided to share. However since I do not know everything, I have recruited some of my married friends to join me in this series. Most of them are young couples. The reason I have selected them is because most of the challenges you need to overcome in marriage are in the early stages. That is when two people from different ways of thinking, reasoning and understanding are trying to become one. According to Jacques Lacan we can never effectively communicate with someone until we have shared the same experiences.
Statistics say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 30% of marriages end in their first year. However, the good news is
more than 70 percent of all first marriages succeed. 70% of all people who have ever been married are still married to the same person!
The secret is getting it right the first time. Get the foundation right and keep it sailing from there. I am a Christian and my marriage principles are based on the bible. My bible says if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do. I have to stop here and Introduce you to the first writer (sorry Naomi for hogging the page)
Some background on the lovely Naomi Falusi. Naomi has been married for 5 years and has a lovely baby girl. We sing in the choir together. She is brilliant with numbers and a camera.
This is her experience.
When Mira asked me to write about my marriage experience, I was very reluctant but excited at the same time. I was not sure how much I wanted to divulge, from our meeting, wedding and now our life together.
Here goes; I had always wanted to get married early, I knew most of the things I wanted in a man (or I thought I did).I had prayed about him for a long time and I was receptive to God`s will. We met in the oddest of places, in a town centre-I was trying to sell him Insurance (Mortgage),he kept asking me all these questions about my studies and ambitions, I dismissed him and gave him my business card. Few months later he called and after a few more months we met and a relationship began. Even while dating, the prayer was always for God to lead me in His perfect will.
The beginning of our marriage was not the smoothest, I had prayed and was sure this was God`s perfect man for me.We didn`t have family support at first, they thought I was still too young, but in all God showed Himself strong and we got married in July 2008.
July 2013 will be our 5th wedding anniversary, God has been really good. We have overcome different challenges. But the most important thing I will highlight is that we complement each other, I am very outgoing, playful, and carefree while He is very reserved, patient and gentle. In the early days of our marriage I tried unsuccessfully to be like him but I was so frustrated trying. I tried to be quiet, calm, relaxed but He advised me that he loved me for who I am and that our house will be a boring place if we were both alike.
Marriage is definitely not a piece of cake, it`s not for the faint hearted. It requires a conscious effort of trying new things, adding flavour and constant prayers. The danger I was almost falling into at the beginning was to almost take him for granted because of His gentleness. We have different views on some issues but we always find a common ground .I don`t consider him stupid neither does he consider my opinions silly. Communication is key in our marriage. No matter how trivial the issue might seem, we never go to bed without resolving it. I have never slept with a grudge or outstanding issue unsolved. Even when he is in a different country. I will call and make sure it is sorted before I sleep.
I had to share my money, it was no longer mine but our money. I am an accountant but I am horrible at managing my finances but he does it so well, he should not be studying Architecture. I learnt to be accountable in my spending. We are at a stage now where we are accountable to each other financially.
Sexual issues-mmmm.I read somewhere once that your partner is not a mind reader, he doesn`t know what you like or don`t like. Sexual intimacy is a gift from God, couples who enjoy a mutually satisfying sexual intimacy are generally happy people*winks*.
My advice for anyone getting married will be to pray and make sure that person is the one, I always jokingly tell my husband we are in this together, this ship must sail.
Please watch out for part 2 which would be written by my lovely friend Bayo Daniel. Someone once said this of him you make marriage look easy.