Hi Guys, I want to apologize for my oops moment on Saturday with the title of my blog post. I know its in-excusable. At the last-minute I changed the title of the post and just clicked publish because I had proof read it and bang I couldn’t take my typo back. It was there, out for the whole world to see. Soo embarrassing. I promise to be more thorough next time. Thank you guys for still taking the time to read the article any way.
Unto my post for today. I am very very excited about this post. I know I promised to put up a write-up from Bayo Daniel next, However when I saw this I was just too excited just had to post this now. This write-up is from someone I have only recently gotten to know. Technically, I have known her for a while but we never really talked. However, when we finally did I was pleasantly surprised at how much we have in common and what a witty person she is. It was her honesty and willingness to share that made me ask her to contribute to this series. PS she also has a lovely voice. Straight to the post then
My Marital Journey So Far – By Sarah Mbadiwe
I’ve thought of a number of ways to approach this article. What was most important to me was to write a piece that was my personal truth and most of all encouraging. The statistics in failed marriages do enough to prove to us that marriage takes work and if left unattended it can very quickly become difficult until differences become irreconcilable as the most common ‘reason’ for divorce has shown.
I start by saying that marriage is not an ordinary institution; it is divine in origin because it came from God. Therefore it should place a sense of responsibility and accountability on the parties involved to be faithful, not only to each other but to the vows made in the sight of God. The demise of marriage in today’s world has a direct correlation to the Godless society we have become. We have sought to separate the book from its author so that we can escape accountability.
I believe each marriage is specific and unique to the people who make up that union. It is nothing short of a miracle to expect two people from different backgrounds and experiences to lay aside those influences in order to create a new identity as one, but then I guess true love too is divine in nature. Still for some, there may be moments of discomfort, miscommunication and sometimes longing for your own space again. My first year was much like that.
I met my husband in 2010, the following year we were married. It wasn’t without its struggles and oppositions from loved ones who were concerned that we were not ready. However true to our faith that we were in Gods perfect will we forged ahead.
My husband is everything I wanted in a man. He is God-fearing, confident, honest and absolutely gorgeous; no doubt I am all those things to him too! He was also everything I needed but I didn’t know, or immediately appreciate in my first year of marriage. For the most part, our personalities compliment each other. However, in those moments were we occasionally lost sight of our specific roles and responsibilities as husband and wife (most times that was me) there was conflict. For instance my husband loves communication and clarification. I thought I did too, until I met him; man he can explain! However I learnt to appreciate that it was a wonderful quality about him because for a man to be so willing to communicate in such detail meant that he didn’t bottle his feelings up inside.
As Christians we both agreed that the bible was the final authority on every issue and having this as our bedrock we knew that no situation was above the word of God. Therefore when issues came up, we would take time out and seek counsel in the word, individually and as a couple. However sometimes in our immaturity it wasn’t before a few heated words and raised voices. Admittedly I was very stubborn and defensive in the first year, always fighting my corner, but really that’s a waste of time and most of all absolutely unnecessary, when you remember you are on the same side.
We experienced some financial hardship in the first year and four months in I became pregnant. Let’s just say strained finances and pregnancy hormones can be a bad combination and leave it there!
In hindsight there are many things I would do differently had I known what I know now, the first being:
1) I would never let a temporary situation affect a permanent decision. Three months after the hardest period of our financial troubles, my husband was finally able to get a job and we have never had financial issues since. With this area resolved, we saw most of our squabbles disappear, funny that!
2) Tones and timing. It is not enough to communicate but special care must be giving to how and when you raise a matter of concern; I wasn’t very good at that in the first year!
3) I would rest in his love for me.
4) I would trust that every decision he makes places our happiness and well-being first.
5)) I would give him a break more and realise that he is new at this too.
6) I would loosen up a little and certainly laugh more.
7) I would accept that communication is a necessary thing.
8) I would put my girlie emotions under check and finally I would never lose sight that
9) God is at the centre of our union and His thoughts for us are for good and not evil; to give us a future and a hope and to bring us to His expected end (Jeremiah 29:11). God will never leave His children to fail and so I know that my marriage can never fail but only get better!
My husband truly is my best friend, my greatest supporter. Likewise, no one believes in him and encourages his development and ambitions more than I do. Time has taught me and continues to teach me not to be too nitpicky or defensive because we are one and squabbling with him means I am squabbling with myself, which is effectively madness.
While my journey has only begun (2yrs in April), I do believe now that true and lasting love is firm and committed, it’s not governed by feelings or good days and bad. It’s rooted in selfless commitment to each other, whatever the weather; forgiveness; placing the others needs above your own and not taking things so seriously. Understanding this has been key and generally understanding each other’s personalities and given us permission to be ourselves has certainly made the journey not only easier but more fun!
We are still writing the pages of our life and ‘forever’ is a long time but certainly the second year has seen countless improvements on the first!
More to come guys from a man’s perspective this time around, so watch out for part 3. Please feel free to share by dropping your comments and getting in touch.